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  I wanted to demand sex from Carter. He was obviously waiting for my memory to come back. I could understand his position; he was a standup guy, blah blah blah. The thing was I no longer felt like he was just Cheryl’s brother, someone I hardly knew. I had remembered enough to know that we were an item. A pretty hot ticket. Truthfully, and I’m not a slut or anything, but I have had sex on the first date before. More than once. To guys I knew less than Carter, the old Carter I mean. Granted, things never really turned out well, but I blame that more on the guys themselves as opposed to the sex. Really. Admittedly, the sex had left something to be desired, but I just couldn’t see bad sex between Carter and me. Not if my dream was any indication.

  He looked torn. Come on man, how tough of a choice is it? Rice or hot sex? It wasn’t even close in my opinion. My leg was still wrapped around his thigh, so I pulled myself up to make contact, intimate contact, and I could feel that he was ready.

  He dropped his head down to my shoulder and groaned. “Justine, I had a plan for tonight. I wanted things to go in some kind of order. I know you probably don’t believe me since I’m lying here on top of you, but it’s true.”

  “I believe you, Carter. I’m sure whatever you have planned will be lovely, but I want a kumquat. Now.” That was about as forceful as I was going to get, so if he turned me down, it was all over. I had to pull out the only thing I had left, and even as I said it, I thought it might be true. “It might help me remember.”

  He looked up and straight into my eyes. “Will you still make risotto?” Holy moly. He was going to give in, but the man must really love risotto. I would make a seven course dinner if he wanted. I tried to dial down my excitement a notch. I didn’t want to look overeager; I was an adult after all.

  “Sure. It does sound good.” He looked at me for a second longer and shut his eyes. When he opened them he had a different look in them. He was determined. It gave me a tingle.

  He gave me a soft kiss on the side of my mouth before he opened his and licked the seam of my lips. My mouth opened to him as if it had been waiting for him forever. My hands finally moved from his arms to grasp his back, pulling him even closer to me.

  I felt his pelvis grind into mine as he changed position to move us to our sides. His hand molded my waist underneath my shirt while he moved his knee up and between my legs until he settled and I pressed myself down hard before clamping my legs together, holding him in place.

  He moved his head so that he could kiss my neck. I couldn’t hold back a whimper; I was practically quivering with need. Never had I felt this much desire for anyone. I hardly recognized myself. I put my hand on his hip, really just to anchor myself since I was almost on the edge of the couch, but I couldn’t stop myself from moving it up and along his ribcage. His muscles contracted under my fingers infusing me with a bravery that I wasn’t used to.

  “Help me.” I barely whispered the words as I tried to pull his shirt up and off. He didn’t even hesitate, taking his hand off me to grab the hem of his shirt and yank it over his head. My head was swimming, I felt a little bit like I did when I woke in the hospital. I couldn’t catch a full breath, and what I was managing to suck into my lungs was ragged. His taut muscles of his chest were perfection. His eyes were smoldering emeralds, yeah, I said it. It was almost too much for me to take. It was too intense. I wanted to screw my eyes shut and be a coward, leaving everything on a superficial level but it was already too late. I felt like I could see into his soul and it scared me. He wanted to devour me, body and soul.

  Everything was taking on a dreamlike quality. I moved my mouth to lay a kiss on his chest and his breath whooshed out against my hair. I opened my mouth and swirled the tip of my tongue against his nipple. His arms wrapped around me again and I let myself wallow in the feeling of security, but I couldn’t delve too deeply into those emotions right now. I was burning up.

  I pulled my mouth off of Carter’s chest as he sat up. “Come on.” He stood up and tugged me up with him. I didn’t say anything as he drew me along to the bedroom; I didn’t think I would have been able to, anyway. When we got to bed he turned me so that my back was to it before moving us backward. The moment my legs touched the mattress I dropped down bringing a shirtless Carter with me.

  “Wait. Let me get this off.” I squirmed out from under him so that I could pull the tee shirt off, leaving us chest to chest. He propped himself on his elbow so that his glorious fingers could work the snap of my jeans. He had the zipper down in a second before sitting up all the way to pull them down. I lifted my hips so they slid down and off easily. I felt suddenly vulnerable, lying there in only my sopping panties and I went to cover my breast with my arm.

  “No don’t,” he said quietly while shaking his head. I stopped with my arm half across my stomach. I was frozen, mesmerized by him and I couldn’t see anything but his eyes. He leaned forward and captured my head with his hands. “You’re beautiful.”

  Gulp. I sat there motionless while he stood up and stripped off his own jeans and boxers. My breath caught in my throat as his peen sprang up from under the elastic band. I couldn’t look away and I didn’t want to. Oh. My. God. I knew my eyes must have widened, but Carter didn’t mention it as he crawled back and over me, cutting off my visual.

  When I took a deep breath all I could smell was Carter. It happened to be the most potent thing I had ever encountered. He was kneeling beside my legs and he hooked his fingers around the top of my panties and slipped them off of me. We were both breathing heavily, and my heart pounded against my ribs.

  His hands were on my thighs, drawing them slightly apart so that he could put his own knee in the space between. Once I realized what he was doing I pulled my knees up and spread my legs so that he could fit inside them. He bent forward, resting his weight on his hands that were on either side of my head. Seconds later his lips touched my neck and I arched up, I couldn’t believe how sensitive my skin felt. I moaned as he moved down to circle my own nipple, pulling it into his mouth and causing a tugging sensation in my womb.

  He moved lower, raining kisses down my stomach and to the juncture of my thighs. When he positioned himself there and touched my clit with his tongue my eyes flew open and I looked down. It was the exact picture I had in my head yesterday when I was imagining him kissing me. I guess that had been a memory too, but when he started stroking me with his tongue I couldn’t think anymore. I could feel the orgasm building while he used his hands to hold my upper thighs still as I bucked against his mouth.

  “Oh my god.” I couldn’t hold back against the most intense orgasm I could remember. Even as it was overtaking me I felt Carter move up and position himself at my entrance, surging into me a moment later. I cried out as I was overcome with sensation and I could feel myself contracting around him as he plunged in again and again. All I could do was wrap my arms around him and hold on as I exploded. After what felt like an eternity of sensation I felt him stiffen and groan as he had his own release.

  He relaxed his arms, lowering himself back down on top of me and as I felt his weight cover me I opened my eyes. “I love you, Carter.” I wasn’t just saying it because I had just had mind-blowing sex. I said it because I knew it was true down to the tip of my toes.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I knew without a doubt that I loved him, I could feel it. My heart started beating furiously when I saw the look on Carter’s face. He looked so happy that I felt guilty. Yes, I loved him, but I immediately recognized that I still didn’t remember all the time it took to build up to that love. That was all missing. I didn’t know what else to say. Really, what could follow that?

  “I love you, Justine.” I tried to smile but I’m not sure if it came across the right way. Now that my sex buzz was wearing off, I was coming to realize I may have acted too hastily in sharing my feelings with Carter. I stayed under him for about thirty seconds before the tension took over and took advantage of his position to scoot out from under him. My nakedness suddenly felt awkward, so I cover
ed my breast with my arm.

  I could see the change in Carter’s eyes immediately. I sat up on the edge of the bed with my back to him and grabbed for my tee shirt, pulling it on so that I could escape the bedroom.

  “I like it when you wear my clothes.” His hand snaked over my still naked hip as he said it, and I couldn’t help the goosebumps that broke out on my arms and legs. I looked down and noticed for the first time that there was Darth Vader with “Who’s your daddy?” written underneath. I hadn’t realized it was his shirt when I put it on, but I guess it only made sense given how baggy it was on me. I searched the floor for my panties but I couldn’t see them anywhere. After a few seconds of looking around I decided to grab a fresh pair and pulled open my underwear drawer only to remember it was Carter’s now.

  He jumped up from the bed and made it to my side in a second.

  “Here, this is your drawer.” He pulled open the drawer right next to it for me and grabbed a pair of his own boxers out before shoving his drawer closed. Okay. Apparently he had privacy issues about his underwear. I found that strange since he jumped up naked to show me my own.

  “Thanks.” I took out a pair of panties and yanked them on awkwardly, thankful that I was wearing a shirt that fell lower than my butt.

  “So, how about dinner?” I asked, trying to extricate myself from the bedroom. Everything seemed to be back to square one. I felt nearly as ill at ease as I had in the hospital. The feeling of closeness and relaxation from earlier had been completely wiped out by my own stupid hormones. I wanted to kick myself. At least earlier, when I was feeling comfortable around him, I was remembering things. The sex hadn’t done a thing for my memory.

  He was still standing right beside me, naked, so I bolted over to the closet to grab some Capri’s, pulling them on at breakneck speed. I wondered how long I was going to have to deal with this self-conscious feeling, knowing it was my own fault. I had practically begged him to have sex with me. Uhg. I turned around to find Carter pulling his jeans back on. A tiny sliver of me was sad that all that beauty was being covered, but mainly I was happy he was dressed; it would make the rest of the evening go so much more smoothly.

  “So...dinner?” I asked again.

  “Sure. I’ll be in to help you in just a minute.”

  “No rush. I’ll just go get things started.” This was worse than I thought. We were acting like strangers after a one night stand. Where were the people who went to the farmer’s market this morning?

  I pulled out the bag of asparagus from the refrigerator, dumping them into my largest colander and rinsing them with cold water. Maybe I should have used cold water to snap me out of my rash behavior a few minutes ago. I wanted to block everything out of my mind and let myself get absorbed in the cooking process, but I had to plan out my meal first. As I was standing at the sink and looking out the window I had an urge to make chocolate mousse. Chocolate always made everything better. I went to the pantry and made sure I had some dark chocolate before snatching it up. I tore open the wrapper and broke off two squares and shoved them into my mouth like medicine, tossing the rest onto the counter. Within a few minutes I had all the ingredients out and the chocolate was melting. I had finished the mousse and was dividing it into four dishes when Carter finally walked in with damp hair. My stomach did a slow roll and I clenched my legs together. Hold it together, Justine.

  He looked at the mousse and gave me a curious look without saying anything. “Do you not like mousse?” I asked.

  “No, I love it. What made you make this?”

  “It just sounded good.” He nodded and walked around the island to stand by the sink.

  “Do you want me to trim the asparagus?” He looked at me questioningly. I felt I had to do something to break the tension I had caused, so I decided that interacting with him might be a good idea. I had to admit that I was feeling comfortable with him now, after-sex weirdness notwithstanding. I don’t know if it was all the memories coming back or if somehow my mind just knew him. Either way, I figured I should take the first step.

  I looked at the huge pile of asparagus. What had I been thinking to get so much? “We can do it together, make it go faster.” He smiled and I felt better immediately.

  We stood there snapping stems for a few minutes, not speaking, but it wasn’t so bad. I was getting over the after sex embarrassment, so things were pretty good in my head. That was until I picked up a stalk as thin as a stick of incense. Ooh, a baby slipped in here. A baby. My mind immediately went into full meltdown mode.

  “Shit. You didn’t wear a condom,” I yelped at him accusingly. My stomach dropped. I didn’t even know where in my cycle I was right now. My heart started hammering in my chest. This hadn’t even happened to me in high school.

  “It’s okay, you get the shot. I’m not an idiot.” Oh my god, was he implying that I am an idiot since I didn’t think about it until right now? I could feel a good freak-out building up. I think Carter must have been sensing it too, because he took my hand with his free one and linked our fingers. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Ever.”

  His words made me feel better, but I still felt stupid for not thinking of birth control before I jumped him. That is not the way I am. I have always been scrupulous about things like that. I looked down at our joined hands and felt a little better. I had someone who honestly cared about me and my wellbeing. That was a first. Well, besides Cheryl, of course. How ironic that the only two people I could recall actually caring about my life were my best friend and her younger brother. Strangely enough, I hadn’t been thinking of Carter as Cheryl’s little brother. He was his own entity to me now. The past couple of days had allowed me to see him in his own right, and I really liked what I was getting to know. Even without remembering our history together, I could see that we were a good fit.

  “Thanks Carter. I’m sorry; my head is all over the place.” I left my hand in his for a second more before I withdrew it to finish our task. He didn’t say anything but turned back to the dwindling pile of vegetables. Once they were all trimmed and cleaned we washed up and I went back into chef mode.

  “Could you chop some garlic?” I asked as I separated the asparagus into freezer bags.

  “Yep.” He pulled a huge head of garlic from the bowl on the counter and pulled out my favorite knife.

  “Do you like cooking?”

  “Love it. Plus, it’s nice to be able to spend time in the kitchen with you.” He smiled at me and I felt my familiar butterfly friends start flapping around in my stomach. Is he for real? He seemed to be my perfect mate. It was also nice to realize we were passing the awkwardness of the bedroom and would probably not have to have a “talk” about what happened. Well duh, I guess this isn’t the first time we had been together. It was just feeling so new to me that I was expecting to have to go through all the new relationship crap.

  My phone rang just as I started to measure the rice. “Will you start heat up some olive oil, Carter?” He nodded and I walked over to my purse. It was my mother.

  “Hi Mom.”

  “Justine, how are you doing today?” She sounded genuinely concerned. It felt nice.

  “I’m doing a lot better. I started to remember some things. First thing this…” She didn’t even let me finish my sentence.

  “Oh good. I knew you would get over it soon. Listen, I’ve just been invited to Phoenix for the week to stay with my friend Tina, and Sue is out of town visiting her daughter, so I need you to watch Monique for me. I’m driving to the airport tonight, so I could just drop her off on my way. You’re at home, right?” What the heck? I didn’t even like her cat, she was a spoiled wretch.

  “Uh Mom, she doesn’t get along with Lucy. She’s always chasing her and swatting her.” Not to mention how she treats me.

  “Well maybe you could keep them separated or something. It’s only until Sunday.” Was she crazy? That would be a full time job.

  “I don’t know. I’m not really up to pet sitting right now. I still don’t
have my memory back and I don’t know how Carter would feel about it.” I looked over at him to see him raising his brows at my conversation.

  “Well, you’re my last resort, Justine, and as my daughter I would think that I would be able to depend on you when I need help.” She sounded huffy and I felt defeated, it was just like I felt living with her growing up.

  “Fine, you can bring her.” I gave in. I couldn’t say anything that would change her mind anyway. “What time will you be here?”

  “Well, I’m still a little way outside of Austin, so I should be at your house in less than an hour. Bye.” She was almost here. She hung up before I could say another word. There was no way the trip was this last minute. I felt used, a common sensation from my youth.

  Geez. No “thank you” or even “please” from my mother. She just assumed I would watch her cat for her no matter the inconvenience to me. Or Lucy and Carter. Why was I such a pushover?

  I set my phone down and looked over at Carter. “My mom is dropping off her cat in an hour. She’s going to Phoenix for a week.”

  He walked over to me and touched my bad cheek. His fingers felt cool. “Don’t let her get to you. She doesn’t deserve to have that kind of power over you.” He dropped his hand and smiled. “We’ll take her cat to a kennel and board her for the week, she wouldn’t know the difference.”

  I snorted out a half laugh. “I like the way you think.” I looked over the kitchen realizing that she was due to arrive at about the time we were going to eat. “Do you mind if we put off making the food until after she’s gone? I don’t want her ruining our dinner and I really don’t want to invite her to eat with us, not that she would since she’s on her way to the airport, but still.”