Just Add Heat Page 15

  He was too good looking maybe, but I was pretty sure he was expecting me to say something else. He was probably too nice, but maybe that was just with me while I was recuperating. Geez, I couldn’t think of anything really wrong with him at all. Well, the Star Wars room was a little weird, but we’re obviously both a little freaky. Was this some kind of trick question?

  “Do you still have a problem with my age?”

  Where was he pulling this out of? I shook my head again. I hadn’t given his age much of a thought today besides the few minutes when Cheryl had been here. Wait a minute, he was asking me if I had a problem? So this was about me or something I had said. But what? I hadn’t said a thing about having a problem with him. As far as I was concerned the day had only gotten better.

  “What did I do? If you are upset about something spill it, I’m not going to play a guessing game with you.” Now I was feeling defensive. I got mean when I was on the defense, kind of like a coyote in a trap.

  “I just got off of the phone with Elisa. Now everything is clear to me. I am never going to be what…” I could see that he was deciding whether to tell me whatever it was that had him aggrieved. He opted to keep me in the dark. “Nothing. It’s nothing. Forget it. Let’s go finish the movie.”

  “Are you for real? Do you think I’m just going to go watch TV with you without you telling me what’s happened? This is Cheryl’s rehearsal dinner all over. When are you going to understand that you don’t have to keep things from me? I’m a big girl. I can handle a little anger, especially if I deserve it.”

  “You remember Cheryl’s rehearsal dinner?”

  “Well duh, you spent the whole time ignoring me because you were mad that I was joking about being your sugar mama. You didn’t even bother to tell me why you were angry until we were at home. It’s pretty messed up when your own mother calls you an ass. It almost ruined Cheryl’s party. You might be a mind reader but I’m not, Carter. You have to tell me what’s bothering you or how can I fix it?” I suddenly realized that I did indeed remember the party as well as the whole night that followed. It hadn’t been our first fight, but it had been our biggest. He had been extremely hurt believing I didn’t take him seriously.

  “Oh. Yeah, I remember.” After everything that had transpired today, another memory popping into my head was feeling old-hat. I gave him a small smile but he didn’t return it. “What? Does this have something to do with Cheryl’s party?”

  “No. It doesn’t have anything to do with anything. I’m sorry; this is just an off night for me.” Now he pasted on a half smile and reached out a hand to me. It was like he suddenly got over whatever was bothering him and he was his old self. I was still a few paces behind him.

  “Dang it. You just got me all riled up and now you’re fine? How are you able to go from hot to cold in an instant? How can we spend the rest of our lives together when you can’t even tell me what’s bothering you at any given time? This is my life, too. Don’t bottle things up. Don’t be such a man.” Whoa. Did I just say all that? I could suddenly remember having this same conversation with him rehearsal dinner night, but that night I hadn’t mentioned spending the rest of our lives together. I was remembering some other things as well, and suddenly, like a plug popping out of a dam, memories started flooding back. The most important thing that popped into my mind though, was a very enlightening conversation I had had. I also remembered who Elisa was.

  “Sorry, but I am a man. You’re right though, I’ll try to be more open.” He must have seen a change on my face because he started looking at me with concerned eyes. “What is it?”

  I only answered with a shake of my head. I wasn’t ready to process what my mind just gave me back. I was pretty sure I had just had my breakthrough and instead of feeling relief, all I felt was dismay.

  Chapter Twenty One

  My mind was flooded with everything I’d been trying so hard to remember. It was different than I’d thought it would be. I wasn’t having a “bingo” moment; it was more like dozing off and being woken in a strange place and not knowing where you were. In those first few seconds everything comes back to you and you lose that sense of confusion.

  Carter was still looking at me strangely. Oh my god. My poor, sweet Carter. I reached over and grabbed him into a hug. It felt good to hold onto him knowing how important he was to me. I didn’t realize how empty I had felt until this moment. How the hell could I have forgotten Carter?

  I was about to share my wonderful news with him, but when I pulled back to speak, I remembered something else. I remembered the big hunk of emerald surrounded by diamonds that I found in Carter’s underwear drawer. Holy smokes! How the heck could I have forgotten that gorgeous, panic inducing ring? Suddenly the events of Friday came back to me as clear as a bell. Cheryl roping me into a shopping trip, Elisa calling and telling me that Carter was going to propose, then tearing up the house looking for the ring. Oh. My. God.

  I pressed my face back against Carter; I suddenly didn’t want to tell him I remembered everything. He was sure to quiz me on Friday and I didn’t know what to tell him. If I told him the truth he would be both upset and disappointed by both the ruined surprise and my reaction to it. Plus, that meant he would ask me to marry him very soon.

  And I did I want to spend the rest of my life with him. There really was no question in my mind that he was it for me. The problem was marriage itself. I had no idea what the hell a good marriage looked like. I had grown up in a home in which marriage wasn’t something that I was exposed to. I really hadn’t had that many more examples of wedded bliss from my friends’ families either. My childhood best friend Allison was shuttled between her mother and father, so spending the night at her house didn’t give me the feeling of family. When Gloria and I moved from Houston to Waco when I was fifteen, my best friend Jennifer was the product of a “broken” home as well. I hadn’t really spent any time around a normal married couple until college, joining Cheryl for dinners and the occasional beach vacation with Sharon and Robert. And Carter.

  My heart started pounding when I realized what he would be expecting from marriage. Except for being a terrible cook, Sharon seemed like Martha Stewart’s long lost twin. Carter grew up in a stable and stylish home and I grew up with a strangely selfish hippie wannabe. I was no Sharon—I knew I never could be. All my distress started building back up; I knew I wasn’t equipped for a life like that.

  Carter grabbed my shoulders and pulled me off of his chest.

  “What’s the matter? Your heart is pounding like a rabbit. Jesus, you’re white as a sheet. Take a breath and tell me what’s wrong with you.”

  I pulled air into my lungs and forced my face into a smile. My heart was still beating like I was on a treadmill, but I managed to pull my thoughts together. I was conflicted on my next actions. I wanted to tell Carter the truth, at least that way he could stop worrying about me, but I needed time. I made a split second decision to keep this new development to myself. It was the only thing I could think to do.

  “Nothing’s the matter. It’s just been a long day and I started feeling a panic attack coming on, but I’m okay now. Thanks.” I fell back on my old foe, the panic attack. I had really been doing better lately; I hadn’t had one in forever. Well, except for the hospital, but that was a special circumstance. I felt guilty about my lie when Carter started rubbing slow circles on my upper back.

  “It’ll be okay, love. Just breathe, I’m here with you. Do you need a cool cloth?” I closed my eyes and let him pull me close in a comforting hug. I was evil and didn’t deserve his nurturing treatment. What kind of cow would keep something this big from the most important person in her life?

  “I’m fine now. Really.” I took one last deep sniff of his chest before I pulled back again. My head felt heavy and my temples were throbbing. Oh right, I had a huge knot on my skull. “I’m just going to take some aspririn.” I walked a few steps to the cabinet where we kept the medicines and pulled out the bottle of tablets. When I lined u
p the arrows and popped the top off the pills shot out of the bottle and all over the counter and the floor. “Dang it.”

  I bent down and started to sweep the pills together with my hand before Carter squatted down beside me, stilling my fingers with his own.

  “Stop and tell me what’s wrong. Please.” He was looking at me imploringly, a look that got me every time. I wanted to spill my guts and rush him like a football player. I felt like I’d just gotten my life back and I wanted to celebrate, but the need to hide out from reality just a little bit longer was too strong to deny. I had to process everything that was swimming in my brain.

  “I promise I’m okay. I just have a headache and my foot still stings. Do you mind if I go lie down for a little while?” I could see that he wanted to say something else but he took his hand back and started picking up the dropped pills.

  “Sure. You go on and I’ll be in a bit. No, I’ll get these,” he told me when I went to gather a loose pain killer.

  I nodded and stood up, grabbing two aspirin off of the counter as I went. I knew what I needed to do. I walked around Carter, still on the floor, and flipped off the door to the laundry room as I passed. Fucking Monique. I couldn’t believe Gloria. She totally used my amnesia against me earlier. I told her after the last time that I wouldn’t cat sit for her ever again. I was going to let Carter take her to a kennel first thing tomorrow. I didn’t even feel a drop of remorse about it, either.

  I walked down the hallway quickly; I had to do this before Carter was finished in the kitchen. I made it to the bedroom and quietly closed the door before bolting over to the dresser. I jerked out Carter’s underwear drawer and ran my hand along the bottom. Nothing. I pulled the drawer out further and lifted up some stacked boxers. Still nothing. What the hell? I knew it had been right there in the corner. I had put it back carefully in exactly the same place I found it. I shoved the drawer closed and opened his sock drawer right underneath. Nada.

  Where was it? This was horrible. Had he changed his mind? The thought didn’t comfort me like I was expecting. Instead, it made my stomach drop. What if he did? It wasn’t unheard of. My head started spinning as I slid the drawer shut quietly. I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to want me that way. Even though I was scared, it was nice to know he loved me that much. It was flattering, too. Nobody had ever loved me that much in my life. Not even Gloria. I loved the fact that he adored me. It was a darn good feeling and one that I reciprocated fully. I had never loved anyone as much as Carter, not even Cheryl, and that was saying something.

  I felt strangled, like I couldn’t breathe. What if he didn’t want to marry me anymore? Suddenly the idea of being married to him seemed like the most wonderful thing in the world and the fact that it might not happen was completely unacceptable. I tried to think of where else it could be, and I ran to his bedside table. I rummaged through the contents trying in vain to find the ring, but after a few seconds I knew it was fruitless. My shoulders sagged in defeat and I closed my eyes in an effort to calm myself. This wasn’t getting me anywhere. I needed to stop and think.

  While I sat there I thought back to Elisa’s call the other day. She told me Carter’s secret and ruined what could possibly have been the most wonderful night of both of our lives. What a bitch move. Why would she have done it? I couldn’t wrap my mind around that. When she was telling me, she made it sound like she was doing me a favor and letting me in on a wonderful secret, but what a fucking nerve. How dare she ruin that for me? I made a promise to never invite her back to my house. I hated her. Carter was right. She was an evil bitch. How could I have not seen that before?

  This was all her fault. She’s the reason I got all worked up in the first place, digging around and invading Carter’s privacy and then freaking out when I found what I had been searching for. It was her fault I had time to freak out in the first place. I probably would have just told Carter yes and saved myself all this angst. That bitch is most likely the reason I had amnesia too! I was outraged. What if my amnesia made Carter decide that I was too much trouble? Oh my god. She had ruined my life.

  I threw myself down on the bed and groaned. My whole life was in shambles. I thought back to the past couple of days. I had run from Carter’s kiss yesterday, and then later I had practically attacked him. I made him sleep on the couch last night and then jumped him after we played Monopoly. Oh, and let’s not forget the way I treated him when I woke up in the hospital. I basically told him there was no way I’d ever be in a relationship with him. He probably thought I was crazy. Hell, I was crazy; the only difference was that now he knew it, too.

  I was flat out wallowing in misery when I had an inspiration. Maybe he hid it in the bathroom. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, pulling open all of the drawers. I even looked in the cabinet I kept my tampons in. I searched through the towels and the sheets and I was shoving lotion bottles aside when Carter interrupted my search.

  “What’s going on?” I froze. Crap. I turned around slowly looking at the trail of mess I had left in my wake. The drawers were open and there were random items strewn haphazardly over the countertops. The towels looked as if Lucy had been trying to make a nest in there. Had I lost my mind? I didn’t even remember wrecking everything in my hunt.

  “Where is it?” I demanded

  “Where is what?”

  “My ring?”

  “I guess in your jewelry box.”

  “Why would you put it in my jewelry box?” That didn’t even make sense, but I shot out of the door past him and went to my jewelry box. I pulled open the lid almost reverently, this was the moment. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I released it with a whoosh. It wasn’t there. Disappointment crashed through me. I looked up at the doorway where Carter was standing and watching me. “It’s not here.”

  “Which ring are you looking for? It might be in the bowl on the kitchen windowsill.” I looked at him in confusion. He wasn’t getting it.

  “My engagement ring, Carter. Where is it?”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  “What?” Carter’s voice was weak and his face was a mask of horror and surprise. It took me a minute to realize that I had just demanded an engagement ring that I had not been offered yet. My own face got hot with mortification. What had possessed me to ask him that? I was most probably never going to get it now. I floundered for a second unable to think of anything to say that would extricate me from the quicksand of my stupidity. When was I ever going to learn to turn on my verbal filter?

  “Oh, Carter. I’m so sorry.” I had pulled my hand over my mouth, something I should have done about twelve seconds ago.

  “Juss, did you remember something?” He sounded so hopeful that I felt like a heel.

  “Everything. I remember everything. It just came back to me out of the blue.”

  “Just now?” He lunged for me and I let him pull me into a hug.

  I could have lied to him, but I knew he deserved the truth. “In the kitchen,” I mumbled.

  “In the kitchen? And you didn’t say anything?” I hated the edge of disappointment in his voice.

  “I just freaked out. I didn’t know what to say.” Talk about understatements.

  “How about ‘Carter, I remember.’?”

  Uh, when he put it like that it seemed like the logical thing to do, unfortunately I was me and I did things my own way. “I’m sorry.”

  “When were you planning to tell me?”

  “I just needed a minute to myself. I was freaking out a little bit.” I was planning to tell him right away, wasn’t I? I didn’t know for sure anymore.

  “Did you need the time to dig around for the ring?”

  I thought back. No, I had needed time to think, but it was true that left the kitchen knowing I was going to look for it.

  “No, well yes. I remembered the ring and I just had to make sure that I was right. But it’s not in your drawer anymore so I was worried you had changed your mind. I don’t know what happened after that, I just snapped. I
had to find it. I didn’t mean to ruin your surprise, Carter. Really.” Snapped. That was what people with temporary insanity pleaded in court.

  “I moved it.” Well, at least he didn’t say he had changed his mind.

  “Oh.” We stood there awkwardly, which wasn’t something that happened to us very often. With Carter at least, I was always in my comfort zone.

  “Well, at least you got your memory back. That’s what’s most important right now.” That’s right. I had full use of my faculties for the first time in days. It felt wonderful. Except for this situation, of course.

  “So, you remember the last two years?” I nodded. “What about us? Do you remember us?”

  “Of course. That’s why I hugged you in the kitchen. I was so happy to remember you again.” I gave him a big smile and held him to me. “I love you. Thank you for taking such good care of me.” He really was the most wonderful man in the world.

  “Oh Juss. I love you so much.” He leaned down and captured my mouth, his tongue mingled with mine. I felt a zing in my lady parts and I wiggled to relieve some of the pressure.

  He continued kissing me as he moved me backwards and toward the bed and I took the few seconds he was turning off the movie to divest myself of my pajama top. Carter turned around, saw me and jerked his own shirt off while I kicked away my pants and panties.

  Carter was going too slowly for my taste so I reached over to unsnap his jeans. “Hurry.”

  He listened to me and unsnapped his jeans, whipping them off in a flash. I took the opportunity to climb up on the bed and kneel in the center. Carter followed me up seconds later. We were pressed together and I could feel the hairs on his legs against my thighs. I didn’t resist as Carter pushed me down on the bed with my head on the pillows, I just opened my legs and wrapped them around him. Carter dragged his finger up my slit and I shivered. I needed him desperately.