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  I reached in and pulled out my pajamas, a matching set, and a pair of green boy-shorts panties. I looked at her, wondering where she got this from. I usually slept in baggy men’s boxers and worn oversized tee shirts.

  “They’re yours. I got everything from your house. Carter even put your purse in here since he forgot to get it last night.” She reached in and pulled out a square bag of orange leather. I couldn’t identify it as mine, but it looked like something I would have.

  “Is Carter at my house?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about letting him just hang out at my house when I wasn’t there. He might be snooping through the closets or something. What if he found my vibrator?

  “Yeah, he wanted to come back to the hospital but he didn’t want to overwhelm you. I told him I would bring this over for you so that we could have a little girl time.” She sat down on the side of my bed. I needed to know so much, but I didn’t know where to start.

  “So um, what’s been going on the last couple of years?” I felt foolish for asking such an inane question, but I honestly felt like I had been on an extended vacation and had lost touch with everyone back home.

  “Well, where do you want to start? What’s the last thing you remember?”

  “Let’s see, it’s July and I work at Heavenly Vegetables, I broke up with John, that douche, and you and Paulo had just gotten engaged.” I gasped and looked at Cheryl’s finger. Yep, there was a wedding band nestled beside her engagement ring.

  “Oh my god, Cheryl, I missed your wedding!” I was appalled. “I’m so sorry. Congratulations.” I didn’t know what else to say. She leaned forward and squeezed me into a hug.

  “You didn’t miss it, honey. You were my maid of honor. Hold on a second.” She slid off of the bed and over to the tote bag she called a purse. After a few seconds she came back to the bed and pulled out a little square frame attached to her keys. She pressed a button and pictures started flashing across the screen. She flipped through a few and then stopped. “Here, this is us at the wedding.”

  Sure enough, there she was looking luminous in a white gown and there I was in a navy blue dress looking happy and at ease. She flipped to the next shot and there were Carter and Paulo in tuxes on either side of me, smiling at the camera in some sort of group hug. My chest tightened. How could I not remember such a wonderful moment? How could I forget my best friend’s most important day? I continued to go through the photos, pausing at one of Carter standing behind me with his arms around my waist. My heart pounded in my ears.

  “When was your wedding?”

  “June 18 of last year. 2011.” Over a year ago. What else had I missed? I kept flipping through the pictures until I came back to where I started. I felt odd and strangely disassociated with the images I saw on the screen. That smiling woman in those shots wasn’t me. They were of someone who didn’t exist yet, like a Justine of the Future. I handed the photo frame back to Cheryl.

  “Why did I quit my job? I love it.” I did love being the executive chef at Heavenly Vegetables. I got to cook the kind of food I loved and I was finally in control of my own kitchen. I couldn’t fathom why I would have thrown that away.

  “You didn’t love it when you quit. The new manager was a dick and didn’t let you make any decisions. You actually hated working there by the end. It was a blessing your website took off. Plus, now you’re kind of famous!” She was beaming at me, but I was reeling. My dream job had turned sour? That sucked.

  “What do you mean I’m kind of famous?” That was something I hadn’t heard before.

  “Well, you do these web shows on cooking and you have a huge following. Last year one of your clips went viral and you got over a million hits. That’s why you got the offer for the cookbook.” I do a cooking show. That had always been my dream when I was younger. I used to do pretend cooking shows when Cheryl and I moved into the house—obviously when Cheryl wasn’t home. Granted, my show was on the internet, but still. My life didn’t sound so bad.

  There was something else I needed to ask, but I didn’t know how to broach the subject. I felt hesitant to ask Cheryl, but there was someone alone in my house. I had to do it.

  “I need to know about Carter, Cheryl. I mean, the last thing I remember about Carter was the night he was over at your house for pizza and we watched a movie. How is it that we’re supposedly together now?” I felt uncomfortable talking to her about Carter. Surely she thought it was weird that I was having a relationship with her younger brother. I felt weird about it. I just couldn’t see myself as the older woman in a relationship. I was always drawn to older men. How could something that fundamental about myself change?

  “Maybe you should be talking to Carter about this, Juss. Honestly, I didn’t know you were together at first, I found out accidentally.” I couldn’t believe I hadn’t told Cheryl about my love life. We shared everything.

  “Accidentally? What, did you walk in on us having sex or something?” I joked. Cheryl raised her eyebrow at me and I cringed. “Really?”

  She nodded. “It was a shock, let me tell you. I wanted to bleach my eyes, but I don’t think that would have helped. It is forever seared into my brain.” She was smiling but I could feel my face flush in mortification.

  I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t explain myself because I had no recollection of that happening. Maybe talking to Cheryl about this was a bad idea after all. There was still the problem of Carter at my house, though.

  “So, um, Carter said we live together?” I asked hesitatingly. I still couldn’t accept that it was true. I had dated John for over a year and I never considered moving in with him. I still felt the sting of betrayal about John. Even now, months later, I couldn’t believe he had been cheating on me with my line cook, Laura. I had introduced them when we had gone out for drinks one night. To my knowledge they had never seen each other again, but how wrong I was. I still had to work with that bitch, but luckily she knew better than to throw attitude at me in my own kitchen. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t work there anymore. I had to remember that. This day was giving me more than I could absorb.

  “Yes, he moved into your house sometime in the middle of February. I know because it was super cold that day we were lugging his stuff over and I was wearing the new coat I had gotten for myself for Valentine’s Day.” She nodded to herself. “Yep, it was the first time I had worn it.” Cheryl had always been able to recall dates by wardrobe.

  So it was true. Carter lived in my house. I had no idea what I was going to do tomorrow when I got home. Could I ask him to stay somewhere else until things got back to normal? I didn’t think I would feel comfortable with him staying with me before I got my memories back.

  It would be different if he were a girl or maybe an ugly guy, but as I’ve mentioned before, young or not, he is hot. This wouldn’t be much of a problem for most women, but, due to a genetic anomaly, hot guys turned me stupid. I became a stuttering idiot, incapable of holding an intelligent conversation for more than a few minutes at a time.

  Usually this was not a problem with Carter because a) we were never really alone when we would see each other, and b) I never looked on him as someone to impress. Seriously, he’s just Cheryl’s younger brother.

  “I’m freaking out, Cheryl.” I was finally about to break down. “I don’t know anything right now. I don’t know what I do, what I wear,” I pointed at the pajamas, “Nothing. I don’t even know who I’m in a relationship with. I don’t know what to do.” I started crying, I just couldn’t help it. Actually, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t before now.

  “God Juss, I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how you were feeling. I know you must be terrified. I would be.” She leaned over and hugged me tight. “I’ll do whatever you need. Do you want to come and stay with Paulo and me? I can rearrange some things at work and we can spend our time trying to help you remember.” Cheryl was a party planner, so she worked for herself, but she was good, so she was always busy. I wanted to say yes, to go to Cheryl’s hou
se and let her take care of me while I got my bearings, but I didn’t want to mess up her schedule. Even more importantly, something inside of me was telling me I needed to be home, around my own things.

  “Thanks, but I think I need to be at home, sleeping in my own bed and cooking in my own kitchen. I hope just being in my house, surrounded by all of my stuff will jar something. I don’t understand why this is happening to me. Why would my mind block out two years of my life?” Luckily, after my short outburst, my tears slowed down to a slow trickle.

  “I don’t know. You haven’t told me about anything bad happening recently. Things have been going really well for you. You’ve been working flat out on the cookbook, but you’ve been nothing but excited about it. I’m pretty sure things with Carter are going smoothly too. You gripe about his neatnik tendencies, but on the whole, you guys are great together.”

  I pondered this for a moment. I’m working hard on my book. Ooh, the thought of that gave me a tingle. I’m also living with some kind of neat freak. How the hell had that happened? I was not a slave to housework. I keep a spotless kitchen, but a little clutter here and there in the rest of the house? I can’t be bothered. Strange.

  Still, there has got to be something that’s so horrible my mind can’t handle it. If Cheryl didn’t know what happened, who could I ask? Okay, I needed to calm down. I might wake up in the morning with my memories intact. I was stressing myself out for nothing. Everything would be fine in the morning. I just needed to get through tonight.

  “The doctor is springing me tomorrow. Is there any way you can get me some clothes to go home in? I don’t know where my clothes are. I don’t even know what I was wearing when I came here last night.”

  “I’m way ahead of you. I packed you jeans and a tee shirt, and Carter said your sneakers and a hoodie are in the closet.” She walked over to the little cupboard to check. “Yep, and I guess this is what you were wearing when you were admitted.” She lifted up a plastic bag that I could see clothing through.

  “Okay, good. I hate to ask, but could you come pick me up tomorrow? I didn’t drive here so I don’t have wheels.”

  “Uh, I think Carter is coming to get you. At least that’s what the plan was, but if you want me to pick you up I will.” She walked back over to the bed and sat back down. “Whatever you need.”

  “Oh, well if he’s already planning to come, I guess that will be all right.” I would probably be fine in the morning and want to have my boyfriend pick me up. Or at least Cheryl’s brother. I mean, I would accept a ride from him if my car broke down and he was the only person I could get in touch with. Yeah, it would be okay.

  Cheryl looked at her watch and groaned. “I need to get home and get ready for the Jameson christening tomorrow. I still have the commemorative photo boxes to finish.” She made a face. “The kid is only two months old, how many important photos could he have?” She shook her head and stood up. “Is there anything else I can get for you before I leave?”

  “No, I’m just going to shower and go to sleep. Thanks for coming by to visit and bringing me all this.”

  “My pleasure. You get a good night’s rest, and I’ll come by your house tomorrow after the christening. Love you.” She leaned over to hug me and left.

  I could only do what I said, shower and sleep. This crazy day would probably be a funny story after I got my memory back tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

  Chapter Four

  I opened my eyes slowly. I knew I was still in the hospital because I had had a horrible night. I had never appreciated the amount of noise and constant activity that went on in these places. My head only had a dull ache, mostly due to the fact that I’m a side sleeper and I woke up on my right side, my injury side.

  The room was still semi-dark. There was only gray light filtering through the window where the sliding curtain was left unfastened. I could hear the early morning bustle of the nurses down the hallway. I didn’t want to face the day because I immediately realized that my memory had not returned. I was still a twenty seven year old chef in a thirty year old blogger’s body.

  My heart started pounding again. Crap, but that was getting old. I was going to be going home in a few hours if everything checked out. I needed to get it together.

  I focused on my orange purse lying on the chair next to the bed. I still hadn’t gone through it like I planned to last night. Maybe it would trigger something and my mind would fast forward to the present. It was worth a try.

  I hoisted myself into a seated position, relieved to notice no dizziness, and reached over for my bag. The first thing I spotted was my phone. It was like my old phone, but slightly different.

  I touched the phone button. My first favorite contact was Carter. My stomach clenched. My second contact was Carter Work. Well, I guess that answered that question. I obviously called him a lot. I kept scrolling. Cheryl, Paulo. I went to my regular contacts and saw restaurants, my doctor, Mom, Elisa, Candace. I didn’t know any Elisa or Candace. Total blank. I exited back out, noticing screens of apps I didn’t recognize. I didn’t want to look through my phone anymore. It was alien to me. It was all alien to me.

  I dug around my purse. Ah, my wallet. Hmm, it’s a really nice wallet if I do say so myself. I snapped it open and the first thing I saw was my driver’s license. I had taken a new picture and I looked like a dork. Great. Credit card, credit card, library card, wow, they changed up the library cards. I opened the money compartment. Fourteen dollars and some change. That’s about right; I guess I’m not rich in my new life. That sucks. I closed my wallet and dove back into the bag. TicTacs, hairbrush, three pens, grocery store receipts, keys, Tylenol, a scratch off lottery ticket, hey, I won three bucks, cool. That’s it. Nothing to make me have a revelation. I grabbed the box of mints and shook a few into my mouth before tossing the bag aside.

  I sat there, wallowing in self-pity until a nurse walked in. This was a new nurse, but she seemed friendly enough.

  “How are you feeling this morning, Justine?” She knew my name. Duh, of course she did, it’s on my chart.

  “Pretty good,” I responded. “I still don’t remember anything.” I figured I had better get that out there first thing. Maybe there was something they could do for me today.

  “Don’t try to force it, it will come when it’s ready,” she said wisely, as if she gets patients with amnesia several times a week.

  “Yeah, that’s what they say.” I chewed up my TicTacs while she disconnected the pulse monitor from my finger. “When do I get to leave?”

  “Well, first you can eat some breakfast, and then I’m sure the doctor is going to want to have a look at you. Do you have someone coming to pick you up?”

  “Yes.” I remembered Carter would be here to take me home. I never spoke to him after he left yesterday afternoon, so I didn’t know what time he’d get here. I should call him. Maybe I’d wait until later. I didn’t know what time I’d be released.

  She left and I went to brush my teeth, the mints weren’t helping my morning breath. I turned on the light and gasped.

  The side of my head was bruised down to my cheek. It looked much worse than yesterday. I lightly touched all around the lump. It only hurt when I pressed near my temple. Luckily it didn’t feel as bad as it looked.

  After cleaning my teeth, I pulled my hair back with a brown scrunchie so that it didn’t look like a squirrel’s nest then crawled back into the bed and used the remote to make the back of it move up higher. When I was propped up, I looked around for something to do. Television was out. The thought of turning it on and watching some inane early morning show was loathsome. I searched around for something to read. There were no magazines or books, not even the newspaper from yesterday. What I wouldn’t give for a computer right now. At least I could waste some time surfing the web. I gave up trying to occupy myself and closed my eyes while I waited for the breakfast tray. At least that would give me something to do. I heard a strange melody. It was coming from my purse. Ooh, my phone.

&
nbsp; I snatched it up and a picture of Carter was staring back at me. I wasn’t ready for this, but I answered the call anyway.

  “Hello?” I answered hesitatingly.

  “Good morning, beautiful. How are you feeling?” He sounded happy for seven thirty in the morning.

  “Um, I’m feeling better. I still don’t remember anything, though.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “Oh.” He put a lot of disappointment into that one word.

  “Cheryl said you were coming to pick me up today, is that still on?” I should give him an out in case he didn’t want to deal with me or something.

  “Of course I’ll be there to get you. I just woke up and I wanted to see how you were this morning. I missed you last night.”

  “Oh, um, thanks.” I didn’t have anything else to say. Awkward.

  “I’m going to take a shower and I’ll be over there in about an hour. Can I bring you anything from home? I know Cheryl packed you some jeans to come home in, but do you want anything else?” I was barely listening after he mentioned the shower. He was going to be naked in my bathroom.

  “No.” Suddenly I remembered my baby. “How is Lucy doing?” Poor darling was surely feeling abandoned.

  “She’s fine, she misses you though. She had to make do and snuggle up with me last night.” My dog was sleeping with Carter? What the hell? Oh, right. He was in my bed. Too much to think about.

  I sat there in silence.

  “Well, if you don’t need anything I’ll get going so that I can get over there. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”